Friday, November 27, 2020

Underwater (2020)

 Underwater (2020) Written by some guys. Directed by some other guy.


8:15pm nodding off while reading (Nobody Left by Mr Fish, a part about old Norman Mailer at an appearance promoting his final novel.)

Too early for sleeping.
TV turned on.
Oh, a new Kristen Stewart movie!


Kristen's character is brushing her teeth, manually, not electric.

She has very very short bleached blond hair, large lensed round glasses, and is wearing a bra sort of top with big suspender-like straps and grey sweatpants. There is a spider, like a daddy long legs, in the sink. “What are you doing down here?” First she thinks about squishing it but ends up attempting to save it with a paper towel. Suddenly the underwater sort of enormous space station she is in, lots of tunnels, starts to break up and is being flooded. She loses the big fashionable round glasses which is a shame.


This is the first couple of minutes of the movie. She finds other survivors and they spend the movie trying to get to another part of the station where there are escape pods to take them to the surface 6.7 miles up. (Is the ocean really that deep in the Pacific?)

The black guy gets it first. Really. This is not a big spoiler because he is not there that long to begin with. But he was Kristen’s character's lover because we see them later in a photo print together. These people are in a high tech underwater space station but have some photo snapshots on paper. This seems kind of anachronistic, but it doesn’t matter it’s really a horror action movie. We aren’t even told what they are doing other than “Drilling” and they have soome ultra-hot radiation stuff or something that is contained until it becomes useful.

They have big bulky high tech underwater space suits that they have to wear when they have to walk on the ocean floor. Out there in the murky darkness there is an unknown sea monster, or several. This is what is causing all the trouble. These entities, all tentacles and teeth, are attacking the station.  

Anyway there was no nodding off and the viewer managed to remain awake for the entire 90 minutes. 95 with credits which included one informing viewers that 13,000 people were employed in some capacity in making this entertainment. Was it really 13,000 or did the sleepy viewer engaged in talking valerian and melatonin pills misread this out of the corner of their eye? Maybe it was 3.000. Supposedly that is some kind of justification for it all other than passing the time and keeping the viewer from going to bed at 8:30 and then getting up at 3am rather than 5..



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